Motherhood

I was approached by a beautiful lady to draw a mandala for her on the theme of Motherhood. The mandala needed to connect with and represent her recently passed mother.

This theme, as specific as it was, is very universal and goes deep, because we all have mothers. And some of us are mothers. The journey of motherhood is intense and full of love, care, joy, pride, connection, worry, sacrifice, pain, struggle, separation… It is a vast pallet of emotions.

It is a journey of growth for all involved.

The mother is confronted by the gaps from her own childhood. She is tempted to impose her understanding of life onto her child, but instead she can use this reflection as a clear indication of what is still in her field to heal and transmute. She is invited to forgive all mistakes done by her parents, to heal the sticky wounds, to outgrow old patterns and beliefs, to satisfy those needs that were not met when she was still a child.

At the same time the mother needs to learn how to support another being, who is growing and discovering who they are and why they are here, to gently guide her child with enough loving air and room for experience.

We, as souls, are here on Earth for the experience of being human!

Motherhood is a learning process and we do mistakes on the way. We become aware of these mistakes when we realise how much our understanding for the best of our kids is a fearful projection rooted in ourselves, instead of a healthy nurturing position for support in love & sovereignty. The more we grow, the more we mature, the more we see the uncomfortable truths.

But then with truth comes the question – how does this old habit of mine serve me, soothe me, what need or longing am I trying to satisfy through my kid? Where does this pattern lead my child, me, our relationship and their growth? Am I willing to take accountability and to let that go and let them free?

In motherhood there is identification at play – my child as an extension of me, looking like me, being like me..

There is a desire for the child to live and have what we did not have as children. In a way we try to live our desires through them. But is this what they really want? Is this who they really are?

Is there a better way for us to satisfy those desires? Is there a way to allow ourselves to experience them in our own being?

There is also this, once physical, later energetic cord that connects the mother and the child. And the pain of every level of separation. From being one whole in the womb, to being intimately close during the first formative years to gradually stepping back, allowing more space & freedom, more personal preferences and experiences… Losing the absolute authority, delegating the care to others too, who influence the child and sometimes not to the personal liking of the mother.

We have these ideas and plans for how the child needs to grow and what they need to do and what it means to be successful, happy and fulfilled. And then the child comes with their own ideas about this, not carrying for many of the things that are important to us. Chooses differently, goes astray.

How do we navigate all this constant separation, projection and healing of our own wounded hearts?

Do we encourage the ability of our children to form their opinions and shape their realities? Or do we dim their light and try to manipulate and control them as per our belief system and comfort? Holding onto the child and not allowing them to become independent, minimising their ability to discern, to make decisions and to reap the fruits of their own choices and actions. And the child holding onto their mother, dependent, seeking and waiting for their mother to give the signal – yes or no, this or that.

Maybe at that moment it is not that painful for the mother, because she didn’t go through the pain of the separation and the disappointment of not having her expectations met by her child. But what would their future life and relationships be?

Into the whole picture comes the pain of seeing our child suffer or struggle, feel sad, rejected or disappointed. Many and various situations arise while they grow. How do we process this pain? Do we try to take it onto ourselves and remove it from our child’s shoulders? Do we try to quickly fix it all so they no longer feel sad? Do we fight their battles? Do we carry their bags?

There is no growth without painful discomfort.

Just like the seed growing into becoming a plant. Just like the butterfly growing out of the cocoon.

Processing pain & overcoming disappointment makes us stronger, more resilient, capable to meet challenges and resolve issues, to have breakthroughs. If we deprive our child of having such experiences, we deprive them of their inner growth. Are we able to sit with them, hold loving and compassionate space where they can process their feelings and move forward? Are we able to process our own pain of seeing the pain of our child?

We need to invite awareness in motherhood, again and again. So we can shine light on our fears, desires, reactions, projections. And we need to invite inner strength to take the best for all decision we can see at any given moment. While letting go of the expectation to be flawless.

We will make mistakes, we will regret, and we will forgive. Some mistakes we can correct. We can also course correct. We are on a journey of growth together. We release old inherited patterns of living, we are freeing ourselves and for every small inner victory and liberation, we help our kids and cut the ancestral line of what is no longer needed moving forward.

Doubt arises and doubt is natural. Overcoming doubt, coming to terms with what is present, allowing what is possible to be corrected. Yes, there might still be memory of what was, some scars will remain. That is OK.

Allowing the awareness to ground and set us all free.

Doubt arises when you walk uncharted territory. And with motherhood we are constantly there, on every step of the way, every stage of growth. Did I do too much or not enough? How much should I interfere? What does my child need? What do I need? In such moments let us come back to our hearts and we will feel the right answers. It might not always be the easy, but will be the right for that moment. And we will feel it. Clearly. We will know!